“I often raged and shamed when I felt angry and betrayed, then afterward would be filled with paralyzing regret.”-Lisa Parker
Do you often feel like your emotions are on a relentless rollercoaster, leaving you uncertain about how you’ll feel from one moment to the next? Do you find it challenging to maintain stable friendships, relationships, or even jobs, as your feelings can abruptly shift from deep affection to sudden coldness? Perhaps you struggle with a constant fear of abandonment and a pervasive sense of emptiness, experiencing strong emotional reactions to situations that seem to barely affect others. If these experiences resonate with you, you might be navigating the complexities of Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD). Understanding BPD and learning to manage its symptoms are crucial steps toward a more balanced and satisfying life. In this blog, we’ll delve into effective coping strategies and discuss how specialized counselling, especially through Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT), can offer the support and tools you need to thrive.
Understanding Borderline Personality Disorder
Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) is a complex mental health condition that can deeply affect your life and relationships.
According to the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, Fifth Edition (DSM-5), Borderline Personality Disorder is characterized by pervasive patterns of instability in interpersonal relationships, self-image, and emotions. Individuals with BPD may experience intense episodes of anger, depression, and anxiety that can last from a few hours to days. They may also have high rates of co-occurring disorders, including mood disorders, anxiety disorders, and substance abuse (American Psychiatric Association, 2013).
How BPD Can Affect Your Life and Relationships
Living with BPD can feel like being on an emotional rollercoaster that you can’t control. This instability can severely impact various aspects of your life:
Relationships: You might find yourself in intense but unstable relationships. You may swing from idealizing someone to quickly devaluing them, leading to frequent conflicts or breakups.
Self-Image: Your perception of yourself can fluctuate dramatically. There may be moments when you feel confident and positive about who you are, but these can swiftly shift to feelings of insecurity or a complete loss of self-identity.
Emotions: You may experience emotions very intensely, and it can be tough to return to a stable emotional baseline after an emotional peak.
Jobs: You might find it difficult to maintain consistent performance at work or manage stress in a conventional workplace setting. This can lead to a pattern of job instability—frequent changes, dissatisfaction, or conflicts at work.
Coping Strategies and the Role of Counselling
Understanding and managing BPD requires targeted strategies. Counselling, particularly through Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT), can be highly effective. DBT focuses on four key areas:
- Mindfulness: This involves being fully aware and present in the moment. Practicing mindfulness can help you observe and describe your thoughts and feelings without judgment.
- Distress Tolerance: These skills are aimed at increasing your tolerance of negative emotions rather than trying to escape from them.
- Emotion Regulation: DBT teaches techniques to manage and change intense emotions that are causing problems in your life.
- Interpersonal Effectiveness: This includes techniques that allow you to communicate with others in a way that is assertive, maintains self-respect, and strengthens relationships.
DEAR MAN and FAST
In Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT), the DEAR MAN and FAST skills play pivotal roles in enhancing interpersonal effectiveness, enabling you to communicate your needs assertively while maintaining self-respect:
DEAR MAN: This acronym provides a structured approach to communication:
- Describe: Explain the situation factually and without judgment.
- Express: Openly share your feelings about the situation.
- Assert: Clearly state your needs or make your request.
- Reinforce: Highlight the benefits of meeting your request.
- Mindful: Stay focused on your goals despite potential distractions.
- Appear Confident: Project confidence, regardless of internal feelings.
- Negotiate: Be open to finding a compromise.
FAST: This skill set focuses on maintaining self-respect and integrity in interactions:
- Fair: Strive to be fair both to yourself and others in the conversation.
- Apologies (No unnecessary apologies): Avoid apologizing for having opinions or existing.
- Stick to Values: Hold firm to your principles.
- Truthful: Always communicate truthfully, avoiding exaggeration or dishonesty.
Applying DBT Skills in Everyday Life
Implementing DBT skills daily can help you manage your symptoms and improve your quality of life:
- Mindfulness Exercises: Simple practices like mindful breathing or observing your surroundings can help center your thoughts and reduce impulsivity.
- Distress Tolerance Techniques: Activities such as cold water face immersion or intense exercise can help manage overwhelming emotions.
- Emotion Regulation Tools: Keeping a diary of your emotions can help identify patterns and triggers, enabling better management strategies.
- Interpersonal Effectiveness Skills: Practicing assertive communication and setting boundaries can improve your relationships and reduce interpersonal conflicts.
Addressing the Stigma of BPD
The stigma surrounding Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) is both pervasive and damaging, often leading to significant social repercussions for those diagnosed with the disorder. BPD is frequently misunderstood as a character flaw rather than a treatable mental health condition. Individuals with BPD may face prejudice, rejection, or even demonization when they disclose their diagnosis, stemming from persistent stereotypes that portray them as manipulative or dangerous (Aviram, Brodsky, & Stanley, 2006). These misconceptions can discourage people from seeking help and sharing their experiences with family, friends, or professionals, exacerbating feelings of isolation and misunderstanding. Moreover, the stigma associated with BPD can lead to substandard care or reluctance among healthcare providers to work with these individuals, further compounding their difficulties (Sansone & Sansone, 2013). Addressing this stigma is crucial not only for improving individual outcomes but also for advancing societal understanding and support for all mental health conditions. At Love This Therapy, we are here to offer you compassionate support and a space free from judgement.
The Benefit of a Diagnosis
Receiving a formal diagnosis is a crucial step towards recovery. You may feel like a diagnosis will be limiting or harmful when in actuality it can be quite validating and freeing. It helps you understand the experiences and challenges you face. It can bring a sense of hope knowing that there is help and that things can improve with the right tools, such as DBT. At Love This Therapy, we have trained professionals who can diagnose and treat personality disorders like BPD. A diagnosis is the first step in creating an effective personalized treatment plan that can lead to a better understanding of yourself and your relationships.
Conclusion
At Love This Therapy, we provide a warm, supportive setting where you can freely explore your emotions and acquire skills to manage BPD. Whether you’re looking for a diagnosis or ongoing counselling, our therapists are trained in DBT and various therapeutic techniques to ensure you receive the best possible care for your specific needs.
If you or someone close to you is experiencing symptoms that may indicate BPD, taking that initial step to seek assistance is crucial. We are committed to supporting you on your journey to a more stable and rewarding life.
Additionally, our clinic regularly runs DBT Groups designed to improve interpersonal skills.
Contact our clinic today to learn more about our groups or to schedule a one-on-one consultation with one of our skilled and compassionate counsellors. You can reach us at 604-229-4887 or via email at info@lovethistherapy.com.
Resources
Books:
Loving Someone with BPD by Shari Manning
I Hate You-Don’t Leave Me by Jerold J. Kreisman, MD, and Hal Straus
Borderline Personality Disorder Demystified by Robert O. Friedel with Linda F. Cox, Karin Friedel
The Way She Feels by Courtney Cook
Links:
National Education Alliance for Borderline Personality Disorder
Borderline Personality Disorder Society of BC
Life On the Borderline: Learning to Live with BPD by Lisa Parker
References
American Psychiatric Association. (2013). Diagnostic and statistical manual of mental disorders (5th ed.). Arlington, VA: American Psychiatric Publishing.
Aviram, R. B., Brodsky, B. S., & Stanley, B. (2006). Borderline personality disorder, stigma, and treatment implications. Harvard Review of Psychiatry, 14(5), 249-256.
Sansone, R. A., & Sansone, L. A. (2013). Responses of mental health clinicians to patients with borderline personality disorder. Innovations in Clinical Neuroscience, 10(5-6), 39-43.
