If you’ve ever felt that pit-of-your-stomach worry that you’re missing out on something better, you’re not alone. That nagging feeling—FOMO, or “Fear of Missing Out”—has become surprisingly common. And while a little FOMO might just push us into fun plans, when it starts running the show, it can leave us feeling anxious, ungrounded, and exhausted.
So, let’s walk through what FOMO really is, why it happens, and how therapy can help you reclaim your calm, cozy, “this is enough” life.
What Is FOMO—Really?
First coined by social psychologist Dr. Andrew Przybylski, FOMO describes the anxiety we feel when we believe everyone else is having a better time—leaving us stuck wondering, “Am I doing the wrong thing?” Research links it to higher levels of anxiety, lower self-esteem, and even depression. It’s like a mental popcorn machine: every cool thing someone else does pops up and distracts us from enjoying our popcorn.
The Paradox of Choice: More Doesn’t Always Feel Better
Ever spent so long scrolling Netflix that you gave up and watched nothing? Or felt weirdly anxious choosing between two dinner plans? That’s what psychologists call the “paradox of choice”—the idea that having more options doesn’t always make us happier. In fact, it can leave us second guessing everything.
Barry Schwartz (2004) explained that when we have too much freedom to choose, we start to worry that we’re making the wrong choice. That stress? It’s FOMO in disguise, whispering, “What if there was something better?”
Maximizers vs. Satisficers: Are You Always Searching for the “Best”?
Let’s be real—some of us can spend 45 minutes reading reviews just to pick a brand of peanut butter. If that sounds familiar, you might lean toward being a maximizer. Maximizers feel the need to find the absolute best option in every situation—whether it’s picking a therapist, a vacation rental, or a salad dressing. The problem? That quest for perfection can lead to stress, decision paralysis, and a lingering feeling of “I should’ve chosen differently.”
On the flip side, satisficers aim for something that’s “good enough”—not in a lazy way, but in a grounded, practical way. They make a decision, feel okay about it, and move on with their day. No spiraling, no endless comparison, no FOMO-fueled regret.
Research shows that maximizers tend to feel less satisfied with their choices, even when they’ve chosen something objectively great (Schwartz et al., 2002). Why? Because their minds are still busy imagining all the other roads they didn’t take. If you’ve ever found yourself stuck in a loop of “what if” after making a decision, you’re not alone—and it’s no surprise that FOMO loves to hang out with maximizers.
Therapy can help you shift toward that satisficer mindset—not by settling, but by learning to trust your choices and find peace with “enough.”
Stumbling on Happiness: Why We’re Not Great at Predicting Joy
In his book Stumbling on Happiness (2006), Harvard psychologist Dr. Daniel Gilbert explains that while our brains are excellent at imagining the future, we’re surprisingly poor at predicting what will actually make us happy. We often assume that missing out on something—like a party, trip, or opportunity—will feel devastating. But in reality, most of us bounce back faster than expected, thanks to what Gilbert calls our psychological immune system: our mind’s natural ability to help us adapt and recover emotionally.
So, if you’re dreading the idea of missing out, remember this—chances are, skipping that event won’t ruin your week. In fact, you might just find yourself feeling relieved, rested, and even a little grateful you chose what felt right for you.
The Happiness Baseline: Why That Missed Event Probably Won’t Matter for Long
Ever get super excited about something—like landing a new job, going on a big trip, or finally getting that thing you’ve been saving up for—only to find yourself back to your usual mood a few weeks later? That’s not you being ungrateful or weird. It’s actually how the brain works.
Psychologists call this the happiness baseline (or set point)—the idea that we all have a kind of emotional “default setting” we tend to return to after big highs or lows. Whether something amazing happens (like a promotion) or something disappointing (like missing out on a party), your mood usually levels out again. Daniel Gilbert talks about this in Stumbling on Happiness, pointing out that we’re not as bad at handling life’s twists as we think—we’re actually pretty good at bouncing back.
This ties into a concept called the hedonic treadmill—the idea that we keep chasing new experiences, stuff, or goals thinking they’ll make us permanently happier… but they usually don’t. We just get used to them and start looking for the next thing.
So, when FOMO tells you, “You have to go to that thing or you’ll regret it forever,” you can gently remind yourself: chances are, in a few days, your happiness will be right back where it started. That missed concert, dinner invite, or event won’t make or break your overall joy.
Battling FOMO: Ways Therapy Can Help
- Mindfulness & Grounding
Being fully present—feeling your breath, noticing your surroundings—weakens FOMO’s grip. Mindfulness helps reduce comparison and boost contentment.
- Paradox & Choice Awareness
Therapy can show you the freedom in limiting options. Mindful boundary-setting (“I’ll choose one fun event this weekend”) builds satisfaction.
- Maximizer-to-Satisficer Shift
Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) can help replace perfectionist scripts (“I need the best experience”) with kinder ones (“This is good enough and I deserve it”).
- Adjusting Expectations with Reality Check
Inspired by Gilbert: therapy can help you test your predictions—will missing out really be devastating? Often, the answer is no.
- Acceptance & Commitment Therapy (ACT)
ACT teaches us to embrace life’s limits—and that saying “no” to some things makes room for the things we truly care about.
- Values-Based Living
Deciding “what matters” aligns your choices (and your FOMO) with your deeper values, not just with what “might be fun.”
So… How Do You Escape FOMO?
- Pick your satisfiers. Choose a threshold for good enough (e.g. vibe, cost, location) and stick to it.
- Practice the “Good Enough” mantra. Repeat: “This is enough.”
- Test your fear. If you’re thinking, “I’ll regret missing that talk/podcast/exhibit,” note the prediction, pause for a few days, then check back. What was the real emotional impact?
- Limit scroll time. Social media is FOMO fertilizer. Set gentle limits.
- Celebrate your rhythm. That weekend yoga class? A quiet dinner and bedtime before 10 PM? These are wins.
- Bring challenges to the therapy table. A skilled therapist can help you explore perfectionism, comparison, worthiness, and help you ground in your own rhythm.
Final Thoughts
At Love This Therapy, we’ve seen how FOMO can leave people overwhelmed, anxious, and constantly second-guessing their choices. But we’ve also seen the transformation that happens when folks begin to embrace “good enough,” find joy in the ordinary, and reconnect with what truly matters to them. Using supportive approaches like CBT, ACT, mindfulness, and values-based therapy, we help clients quiet the noise of comparison and perfectionism and tune into their own inner compass. FOMO doesn’t have to be the boss—it can become a gentle nudge asking, “What matters most right now?” You don’t need to say yes to everything to live a full life. You just need to say yes to what matters to you. Think of FOMO like a pop-up notification—you can pause, breathe, and decide whether it’s worth your attention. And if it’s not? Hit unsubscribe. We’re here to walk with you as you make more intentional, satisfying, and peaceful choices.
If FOMO has been running the show, we’d love to help. Reach out to us at 604-229-4887 or info@lovethistherapy.com. We’re here when you’re ready.
References
Cheek, D. W., & Schwartz, B. (2016). Why are maximizers less happy than satisficers? Because they maximize positive and negative outcomes. Journal of Consumer Psychology.
Cultivate Practice. (2017). Are you a maximizer or a satisficer?
Gilbert, D. T. (2006). Stumbling on happiness. Knopf.
Przybylski, A. K., Murayama, K., DeHaan, C. R., & Gladwell, V. (2013). Fear of missing out: The relationship between FoMO, motivation, and well-being. Journal of Social and Clinical Psychology.
Schwartz, B. (2004). The paradox of choice: Why more is less. Harper Perennial.
Schröder-Benz, R., Bruno, S., & Stutzer, A. (2000). Freedom and control: The impact on well-being. Economic Journal.
Wisner, V. (2013). Positive psychology interventions: A meta-analysis of randomized controlled studies. Journal of Clinical Psychology.
