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Men and Mental Health: How Counselling Empowers Men 

In a society where “toughen up” is often equated with masculinity, men seeking counselling can encounter significant stigma and shame. However, there is an increasing recognition that true strength lies in acknowledging one’s struggles and seeking help. At Love This Therapy, we believe that everyone, inclusive of all genders, deserves support and empowerment on their journey to mental well-being. In this blog post, we will explore the benefits of counselling for men, the challenges posed by societal expectations, and how the traditional role of men is evolving. 

The “Toughen Up” Stigma 

The notion that men must be stoic and self-reliant is deeply ingrained in many cultures. Phrases like “man up” and “boys don’t cry” reinforce the idea that emotional vulnerability is a sign of weakness. This stigma can prevent men from seeking the help they need, leading to unresolved emotional issues and detrimental effects on their mental health.  

Research indicates that men are less likely than women to seek mental health support. A study by Mahalik et al. (2003) found that traditional masculine norms, such as self-reliance and emotional control, significantly hinder men’s willingness to seek psychological help. These toxic norms can exacerbate mental health issues, resulting in negative outcomes such as excessive drinking, violence, and suicide (Courtenay, 2000). Wong et al.

Addressing Shame 

One of the significant barriers men face in seeking counselling is the shame associated with needing help. Shame can be a powerful deterrent, rooted in societal expectations and personal beliefs about masculinity. To overcome this barrier, it is important to challenge and reframe these beliefs. 

Counsellors play an important role in addressing shame by providing a non-judgmental and empathetic space. They help you understand that experiencing emotional difficulties is a normal part of the human experience and that seeking help is a healthy and courageous step. 

Redefining Men’s Roles 

The role of being a man in today’s society is undergoing a significant transformation, reflecting broader cultural shifts towards gender equality and emotional openness. Traditional notions of masculinity, which emphasized stoicism, self-reliance, and emotional suppression, are being challenged by contemporary expectations that value vulnerability, emotional intelligence, and collaborative relationships. Research by Oliffe et al. (2019) highlights how these evolving norms are encouraging men to seek help and express their emotions more openly, which is positively impacting their mental health. However, this transition also brings challenges, as many men struggle to reconcile these new expectations with long-standing societal pressures. The conflict between adhering to traditional masculine ideals and embracing a more open emotional life can lead to stress, identity confusion, and mental health issues. The Canadian Mental Health Association (2021) notes that while these changes hold the promise of better mental health outcomes for men, they also necessitate support systems to help men navigate these changes effectively. 

Barriers Holding Men Back from Seeking Help

Societal Expectations and Stereotypes 

  • Pressure to conform to traditional masculine norms 
  • Belief that men should be self-reliant and stoic 
  • Fear of appearing weak or vulnerable 

Cultural Beliefs 

  • Stigma surrounding mental health issues 
  • Misconceptions about counselling and therapy 
  • Cultural norms that discourage emotional expression 

Personal Beliefs and Attitudes 

  • Internalized stigma and shame about needing help 
  • Lack of awareness about mental health issues and their impact 
  • Belief that emotional problems will resolve on their own 

Fear of Judgment 

  • Concern about how others will perceive them 
  • Fear of being judged by family, friends, or colleagues 
  • Anxiety about being labeled as “mentally ill” 

Lack of Awareness and Information 

  • Limited knowledge about available mental health resources 
  • Uncertainty about how to access and navigate mental health services 
  • Misunderstanding of what counselling entails 

Financial and Practical Barriers 

  • Concerns about the cost of therapy 
  • Limited access to mental health services in certain areas 
  • Time constraints and scheduling difficulties 

Previous Negative Experiences 

  • Past encounters with unhelpful or ineffective therapy 
  • Mistrust of mental health professionals 
  • Fear of being misunderstood or not taken seriously 

Emotional Barriers 

  • Difficulty in articulating and expressing emotions 
  • Fear of confronting painful or traumatic experiences 
  • Reluctance to open up and share personal issues 

These barriers collectively contribute to the reluctance you may feel in seeking help for your mental health, underlining the need for increased awareness, support, and accessible resources. 

The Strength in Seeking Help 

Contrary to the stigma, seeking help is a profound act of courage and strength. Acknowledging that one is struggling and taking steps to address it requires resilience and self-awareness. For many men, whose self-identity is deeply rooted in the roles of protector and provider, putting themselves in a vulnerable place can feel wrong and conflicting. The idea of opening up about your struggles may seem to undermine the very essence of your responsibilities. Counselling provides a safe and supportive environment where you can explore your emotions, gain insights, and develop coping strategies. Counselling offers numerous benefits, including improved mental health, healthier relationships, and better overall well-being. It allows you to process your emotions, understand your behaviors, and make positive changes in your life. Additionally, it challenges the harmful stereotypes of masculinity, promoting a healthier and more inclusive understanding of strength. Embracing vulnerability does not diminish your role as a protector and provider but rather enhances your capacity to fulfill these roles more effectively and sustainably. 

I Made an Appointment, Now What? 

Once you decide to start counselling, the next step is to learn how to effectively communicate your feelings and experiences. Opening up might seem daunting at first but remember that your counsellor is there to support and guide you without judgment. Begin by sharing your reasons for seeking counselling, even if you’re unsure where to start. It’s okay to express that you’re finding it difficult to articulate your feelings. Your counsellor will ask questions to help you explore your thoughts and emotions. Try to focus on describing specific situations or experiences that have been troubling you. Use “I feel” statements to connect your feelings to events, such as “I feel anxious when…” or “I feel overwhelmed because…”. This practice can help bridge the gap between your internal experiences and verbal expression. Remember, it’s a process, and it’s perfectly normal for it to take time. Patience and honesty with yourself and your counsellor are key to making the most of your sessions. Using journaling as a tool to reflect on your emotions before sessions can also be helpful, as it allows you to organize your thoughts and identify key points you want to discuss. Be patient with yourself and recognize that opening up is a gradual process that becomes easier with time and practice. 

Tips to Get the Most Out of Counselling 

Commit to Regular Sessions 

  • Schedule and attend sessions consistently 
  • Understand that progress takes time and persistence 

Be Open and Honest 

  • Share your thoughts and feelings openly with your counsellor 
  • Don’t hold back information, even if it feels uncomfortable 

Set Clear Goals 

  • Identify what you hope to achieve through counselling 
  • Work with your counsellor to establish realistic and attainable objectives 

Be Prepared to Do the Work 

  • Engage in exercises and activities suggested by your counsellor 
  • Reflect on your sessions and apply insights to your daily life 

Practice Patience 

  • Recognize that meaningful change doesn’t happen overnight 
  • Be patient with yourself and the counselling process 

Stay Engaged Between Sessions 

  • Keep a journal of your thoughts and progress 
  • Practice techniques and strategies learned during sessions 

Communicate with Your Counsellor 

  • Provide feedback about what is or isn’t working for you 
  • Discuss any concerns or questions that arise 

Embrace Vulnerability 

  • Allow yourself to be vulnerable and explore difficult emotions 
  • Trust the therapeutic process and your counsellor’s guidance 

Seek Support Outside of Counselling 

  • Lean on trusted friends and family for additional support 
  • Join support groups or communities related to your struggles 

By following these tips, you can maximize the benefits of counselling and stay committed to your journey toward mental well-being. 

Conclusion 

At Love This Therapy, we are committed to supporting men in overcoming the stigma associated with seeking counselling. We believe that true strength lies in acknowledging one’s struggles and taking steps toward healing. By challenging harmful stereotypes and providing a safe and supportive environment, we want to empower you to embrace your vulnerabilities and transform your life. 

If you or someone you know is struggling, remember that seeking help is a courageous and powerful act. Our team at Love This Therapy is here to support you on your journey to mental well-being. Contact us today at info@lovethistherapy.com or call us at 604-229-4887 to learn more about our services and take the first step toward a healthier and happier life. 

References 

Addis, M. E., & Mahalik, J. R. (2003). Men, masculinity, and the contexts of help seeking. American Psychologist, 58(1), 5-14. 

Canadian Mental Health Association. (2021). 

Courtenay, W. H. (2000). Constructions of masculinity and their influence on men’s well-being: a theory of gender and health. Social Science & Medicine, 50(10), 1385-1401. https://doi.org/10.1016/S0277-9536(99)00390-1 

Kimmel, M. S. (2008). Guyland: The perilous world where boys become men. Harper. 

Wong, Y. J., Ho, M. H. R., Wang, S. Y., & Miller, I. S. K. (2017). Meta-analyses of the relationship between conformity to masculine norms and mental health-related outcomes. Journal of Counseling Psychology, 64(1), 80-93. https://doi.org/10.1037/cou0000176 

Kimmel, M. S. (2008). Guyland: The perilous world where boys become men. HarperCollins. 

Oliffe, J. L., Rossnagel, E., Kelly, M. T., Bottorff, J. L., Seaton, C., & Darroch, F. (2019). Men’s health in Canada: Protocol for a comprehensive scoping review. BMJ Open, 9(10), e032784. doi:10.1136/bmjopen-2019-032784 

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