What is my attachment style and how does that impact how I show up in relationships?
- Is it possible for a secure and an insecure attachment style to coexist harmoniously?
- How does my attachment style interact with my partner’s?
- Can differing attachment styles be the root cause of our relational struggles?
If you and your partner have explored attachment theory, you may find yourself asking these questions. It’s important to recognize these concerns as a positive step toward understanding the deeper dynamics of your relationship.
What are the different attachment styles?
Attachment theory revolves around the idea that our earliest relationships, typically with caregivers, significantly impact our subsequent relationships and emotional health.
Here is a breakdown of the different attachment styles:
- Secure Attachment: Individuals with a secure attachment style generally feel comfortable in their relationships. They can depend on others and allow others to depend on them. They’re not overly worried about rejection and feel safe expressing their feelings and needs.
- Anxious Attachment: Those with an anxious attachment style crave closeness and intimacy, are extremely sensitive to any signs of rejection or abandonment, and tend to worry excessively about their relationships. They may need constant reassurance from their partners.
- Avoidant Attachment: Individuals with this style value their independence highly and tend to keep others at arm’s length. They’re uncomfortable with too much closeness and may seem indifferent or dismissive toward their partners’ needs.
- Disorganized Attachment: This style is often seen in people who’ve experienced severe early-life trauma or neglect. They display a confusing mix of behaviors and may seem disoriented, erratic, or unpredictable in their interactions with others.
The Normality of Diverse Attachment Styles
Attachment styles are as varied as individuals themselves, and having a different style than your partner isn’t unusual. It’s common to find secure, anxious, avoidant or disorganized attachment styles in any romantic relationship. The key is to embrace these differences and use them as stepping stones to deepen your connection. If you or your partner exhibits signs of insecure attachment, that is perfectly common. An insecure attachment style simply reflects past experiences, and can be understood and managed. Around 50% of the population is characterized by an insecure attachment style, while the other 50% has a secure attachment.
Facilitating Harmonious Coexistence of Different Attachment Styles
Relationship counselling offers a supportive environment to explore how differing attachment styles can influence your interactions. A trained counsellor can provide tools to navigate and reconcile these differences and help with communication. Counselling can help you understand each other’s attachment needs, build empathy, and foster effective communication strategies. Moreover, it aids in creating a secure base within your relationship, a safe space where both partners can grow and evolve together.
At Love This Therapy, we are a team of effective, well-trained and compassionate counsellors. We offer the gold-standard in counselling services to couples who may need support navigating their different attachment and relational needs.
Growing Together
To all couples grappling with differing attachment styles, remember, this challenge can become an opportunity for growth. The beauty of a relationship lies in its capacity to evolve and adapt. Counselling is a proactive measure that can pave the way for deeper mutual understanding, leading to a more fulfilling relationship. In this therapeutic journey, you’ll discover ways to validate each other’s experiences, soothe insecurities, and build a stronger bond.
Why Couples Might Hesitate to Start Counselling
Despite the potential benefits, you might have reservations about starting relationship counselling. Questions like “Will counselling expose more problems in our relationship?” or “Could exploring our differing attachment styles make things worse?” might cross your mind. Others might worry about the stigma associated with counselling or feel uncomfortable discussing personal matters with a stranger.
It’s important to remember that counselling is a confidential, judgement-free space dedicated to supporting your relationship’s growth. Therapy may bring underlying issues to light, but this is a crucial step toward addressing and resolving them, and repairing your relationship. With the help of a skilled counsellor, you and your partner can navigate these revelations constructively, using them to strengthen your bond.
Recognizing your attachment style and how it interacts with your partner’s is a profound step towards deeper understanding and connection. Embrace the journey and remember that you’re not alone – professional support is available and can offer valuable guidance in this journey.
Contact Us for a Free Discovery Call
There’s no shame in admitting you’re struggling or in asking for help. If you or a loved one is facing depression, take the first step towards healing today. If you have any questions or would like to schedule a free Discovery Call, we are available by phone or email at 604-229-4887 or info@lovethistherapy.com. We are here for you.
