So, you’re getting married—or seriously thinking about building a life with someone. Between the venue tours and family group chats, it’s easy to get swept up in planning the celebration. But beneath all the logistics and excitement, many couples find themselves wondering: Are we truly ready for the lifelong commitment we’re about to make?
That’s where premarital counselling comes in. It’s not about finding flaws or predicting problems—it’s about intentionally carving out space to talk, reflect, and grow together before the next chapter begins.
And while the word “premarital” might sound like it only applies to people planning a wedding, the truth is: this kind of work is valuable for any couple entering a long-term commitment—whether you’re getting legally married, becoming common-law partners, or simply choosing to build a future together without a ceremony. At Love This Therapy, we believe that every kind of partnership deserves a strong foundation. Premarital counselling is a thoughtful, proactive investment in your relationship’s future—not because something is wrong, but because you both care enough to do it well from the start.
What Is Premarital Counselling?
Premarital counselling is a short-term, proactive form of couples therapy designed to help you explore your values, beliefs, and expectations before making a long-term commitment—whether through marriage, common-law partnership, or another form of shared life.
It’s facilitated by a trained counsellor who guides you through key relationship topics like:
- Communication and conflict resolution
- Emotional intimacy and love languages
- Finances, roles, and responsibilities
- Sex and physical connection
- Parenting and future planning
- Religious or spiritual beliefs
- Family and social dynamics
- Shared goals and life vision
This work isn’t reserved for couples walking down the aisle. It’s for anyone saying: I choose you, and I want to do this right.
Premarital counselling gives you the opportunity to learn more about each other, align your expectations, and build the skills that help relationships thrive. It’s not about fixing you. It’s about strengthening what already works—and giving you tools for what might come up.
But… Isn’t Premarital Counselling for People with Problems?
Many people assume that going to therapy before marriage (or any long-term commitment) means there’s trouble. In reality, it often signals the opposite: a couple who cares deeply about their connection and wants to build a solid, lasting foundation.
Whether you’re engaged, moving in together, becoming common-law, or simply choosing to share your life without formal paperwork, choosing counselling before the challenges hit is a sign of strength—not weakness.
Research supports this, too. Couples who attend premarital counselling report higher relationship satisfaction and stronger long-term outcomes than those who don’t (Carroll & Doherty, 2003; Stanley et al., 2006). Being proactive builds emotional resilience, better communication, and mutual clarity.
So… What Do You Actually Talk About?
Premarital counselling is never one-size-fits-all. It’s tailored to your unique relationship—but here are some of the most common and meaningful areas we explore:
1. How You Communicate and Disagree
We all bring different habits and histories into how we handle conflict. Some shut down, others go on the offensive. Some avoid hard conversations, while others dive in too quickly. Counselling helps you learn how to recognize your patterns and move through conflict with respect, empathy, and intention (Gottman & Silver, 2015).
2. Navigating Core Beliefs—Including Religion and Spirituality
Beliefs around spirituality, faith, and meaning making often shape how we view family, responsibility, and even big life decisions. Whether you’re religious, spiritual-but-not-religious, agnostic, or navigating an interfaith relationship, premarital counselling gives space to explore your core values and how they may show up in your daily life or parenting decisions.
It’s not about having the same belief system—it’s about understanding each other’s and knowing how to support one another through difference.
3. Parenting Styles and Future Family Plans
Do you want children? If so, how many? What are your thoughts on parenting approaches, discipline, education, emotional development, or even navigating your child’s gender or cultural identity?
Whether parenting is imminent, distant, or uncertain, these conversations offer valuable insight into your long-term alignment—and give you both a sense of clarity about what family life might look like.
4. Understanding Each Other’s Love Languages
We don’t all give and receive love in the same ways. One partner may feel most loved through words, while the other responds more to physical touch or acts of service. When our needs are mismatched—or unspoken—it can lead to unintentional disconnection.
Premarital counselling helps identify and understand each of your love languages (Chapman, 2015), offering insight into how to show up for each other in ways that land.
5. Talking About Sex and Intimacy
Let’s be honest: even couples with strong emotional bonds can struggle to talk about sex.
What does intimacy look like for each of you? How do you navigate desire differences? How do you stay emotionally connected through seasons of change, illness, stress, or parenthood?
These conversations aren’t always easy, but they’re essential. Sex is not just about performance—it’s about communication, safety, and mutual understanding.
6. Combining Social Circles and Managing Friendships
Every couple comes with their own community. And when lives merge—through marriage, cohabitation, or shared long-term commitment—so do friend groups, family traditions, and social expectations.
Counselling can help with:
- Setting boundaries with extended family, ex-partners, or friend dynamics
- Navigating introversion/extroversion differences around socializing
- Balancing “we time” with “me time”
- Creating shared rituals while respecting your individual relationships
These dynamics don’t always feel like big deals—until they are. Talking them through early makes all the difference.
7. Finances, Lifestyles, and Daily Rhythms
Whether you’re merging bank accounts, planning a shared future, or keeping things separate, money brings up emotion. It’s one of the top sources of tension in long-term relationships (Dew, 2008).
What are your financial priorities? Are you a saver or a spender? How do you divide household responsibilities? What’s your tolerance for debt, risk, or spending on leisure?
Premarital counselling opens up space for these discussions—before they become sources of stress.
Noticing the Gaps Before They Widen
Sometimes, premarital counselling reveals areas of misalignment or tension. That’s not a red flag—it’s an opportunity.
You don’t have to be on the same page about everything. But discovering the “gaps” early allows you to approach them thoughtfully, with care, instead of letting misunderstandings build silently over time.
This process is ultimately about understanding each other more deeply, so that you can build shared meaning, even through difference.
What If We Realize We’re Not Compatible?
In some cases, counselling helps couples realize that certain core differences—whether around values, goals, or communication—are simply too difficult to reconcile.
This can be a hard truth to sit with. But it’s also a profoundly important one.
Parting ways at this stage may feel painful, but it can also be a courageous and compassionate decision. Research shows that unresolved conflict and mismatched expectations are strong predictors of long-term dissatisfaction and separation (Markman, Stanley, & Blumberg, 2010). If your long-term paths don’t align, knowing that now—before shared mortgages, children, or legal contracts—is an act of love, not failure.
Conclusion
At Love This Therapy, we understand that love—while essential—isn’t always enough on its own. Relationships thrive on clarity, communication, and curiosity. Our experienced, compassionate counsellors create a welcoming, non-judgmental space where both partners can show up authentically, ask the important questions, and feel supported no matter what they uncover.
Whether you’re getting married, moving in together, or simply committing to a long-term future with someone you love, premarital counselling is a powerful way to invest in your relationship with intention and care. It’s easy to get swept up in planning the logistics of a shared life—but this work is about preparing for everything that comes after. You don’t need a diamond ring or a marriage license to benefit from this kind of support. If you’re saying, “We’re in this together,” that’s enough. You bring the commitment. We’ll bring the tools.
If you and your partner are ready to take this step, reach out to us today at 604-229-4887 or info@lovethistherapy.com. We’d be honored to support your journey.
References
Carroll, J. S., & Doherty, W. J. (2003). Evaluating the effectiveness of premarital prevention programs: A meta-analytic review of outcome research. Family Relations, 52(2), 105–118. https://doi.org/10.1111/j.1741-3729.2003.00105.x
Chapman, G. (2015). The 5 love languages: The secret to love that lasts (Updated ed.). Northfield Publishing.
Dew, J. (2008). Debt change and marital satisfaction change in recently married couples. Family Relations, 57(1), 60–71. https://doi.org/10.1111/j.1741-3729.2007.00483.x
Gottman, J. M., & Silver, N. (2015). The seven principles for making marriage work: A practical guide from the country’s foremost relationship expert (2nd ed.). Harmony Books.
Markman, H. J., Stanley, S. M., & Blumberg, S. L. (2010). Fighting for your marriage: A deluxe revised edition of the classic best-seller for enhancing marriage and preventing divorce (3rd ed.). Jossey-Bass.
Stanley, S. M., Amato, P. R., Johnson, C. A., & Markman, H. J. (2006). Premarital education, marital quality, and marital stability: Findings from a large, random household survey. Journal of Family Psychology, 20(1), 117–126. https://doi.org/10.1037/0893-3200.20.1.117
