What do you think of when you hear the word “happiness”? A perfect vacation? A big belly laugh? Falling in love? Or maybe, if you’re in a tough season, it feels like happiness is something everyone else gets to have while you’re stuck watching from the sidelines. 

The truth is, happiness isn’t just a stroke of luck or a fleeting mood. It’s a science-backed, dynamic state of well-being—something we can cultivate, nurture, and grow. At Love This Therapy, we believe that happiness doesn’t mean having a flawless life. It means having a meaningful one. So, let’s dive into what happiness really is, why we get it so wrong, and how you can create more of it in your life—with a little help from science, and maybe even from your therapist. 

What Is Happiness, anyway? 

In the research world, happiness is often referred to as subjective well-being. That means how you personally evaluate your life—emotionally, mentally, and sometimes even spiritually. Psychologist Ed Diener, one of the pioneers of happiness research, defines it as a blend of life satisfaction, frequent positive emotions, and relatively few negative ones (Diener et al., 1999). 

But that doesn’t mean you have to be chipper all the time. Happiness includes feeling good, but also functioning well. Think: joy, connection, purpose, resilience, and even the ability to navigate sadness with grace. 

In short, happiness isn’t about living a “Pinterest-perfect” life. It’s about having a life that feels true to you. 

Two Sides of Happiness: Hedonic and Eudaimonic Well-Being 

When researchers talk about happiness, they often break it down into two complementary types: hedonic well-being and eudaimonic well-being. 

Hedonic Well-Being: Feeling Good 

Hedonic well-being is what most people think of when they hear the word “happiness”—it’s about pleasure, enjoyment, and life satisfaction. Think warm cookies, a sunny walk, or a night of laughter with good friends. This kind of happiness focuses on maximizing positive emotions and minimizing pain (Kahneman, 1999). 

There’s nothing wrong with pleasure—it’s an important and valid part of being human. In fact, regular experiences of joy and comfort contribute to better physical and emotional health (Diener et al., 2009). 

Eudaimonic Well-Being: Living Meaningfully 

Eudaimonic well-being goes deeper. It’s about living in alignment with your values, growing as a person, and feeling that your life has purpose. This idea dates back to Aristotle, who believed that a good life wasn’t just about pleasure—it was about flourishing through virtue, character, and meaningful engagement. 

Modern research supports this view. People with high levels of eudaimonic well-being often report greater long-term fulfillment, stronger relationships, and more resilience through life’s ups and downs (Ryan & Deci, 2001). 

The Sweet Spot: Blending Both for True Happiness 

While some people lean more toward pleasure and others toward purpose, research suggests that the most sustainable form of happiness comes from a combination of both (Huta & Ryan, 2010). You can enjoy a delicious latte and volunteer for a cause you care about. You can rest and savor life’s pleasures while also stretching toward your values and personal growth. 

Therapy can help you explore both sides—what brings you joy, and what gives your life meaning. Often, we find that true well-being lives in the middle ground between comfort and purpose, between rest and striving. 

Common Misunderstandings About Happiness 

1: Happiness Means Always Feeling Good 

Nope. You’re not a robot programmed to smile 24/7. Life includes stress, loss, anxiety, and even boredom. Expecting to feel “up” all the time sets you up to feel like something’s wrong when you don’t (Ford & Gross, 2019). 

2: Success = Happiness 

We often think, “When I get the promotion/partner/house, then I’ll be happy.” But research shows that this works in reverse. People who are happy tend to be more successful in work, relationships, and health—not the other way around (Lyubomirsky et al., 2005). 

3: Happiness Is Just Genetics 

It’s true that some people are naturally more upbeat due to genetics and temperament. But that’s not the whole story. Around 40% of our happiness is shaped by intentional activities—our habits, mindset, and choices (Lyubomirsky, 2008). 

Choices, Activities, and Mindsets That Boost Happiness 

So, what can we do to feel happier? Good news: there’s a buffet of scientifically backed options. 

1. Practice Gratitude (Yep, It Works) 

Keeping a gratitude journal or simply naming three things you’re thankful for daily can increase happiness and reduce depression (Emmons & McCullough, 2003). Try it tonight—before bed, jot down three small things that went right today. Even “my coffee was hot” counts. 

2. Strengthen Your Relationships 

Connection is a huge contributor to happiness. The Harvard Study of Adult Development—one of the longest-running studies in the world—found that quality relationships are the top predictor of long-term well-being (Waldinger & Schulz, 2023). Call a friend. Hug your kid. Say the thing that needs saying. 

3. Give Back 

Acts of kindness increase happiness—for both the giver and receiver (Layous et al., 2012). Volunteer. Donate. Help your neighbor bring in their trash bins. It doesn’t have to be dramatic to be powerful. 

4. Move Your Body 

Exercise is like a happiness multivitamin. Just 30 minutes of movement three times a week can significantly boost mood and decrease symptoms of depression (Blumenthal et al., 2007). No need for a fancy gym—walk, dance, stretch, or climb a hill while yelling “I am a strong mountain goat!” if that’s your thing. 

5. Get Curious, Not Judgmental 

People who approach life with curiosity tend to feel more satisfied and less stuck (Kashdan & Steger, 2007). Instead of judging yourself harshly, ask: Why do I feel this way? What might I need right now? Happiness grows through self-understanding. 

6. Be Present 

Mind-wandering is often linked with unhappiness (Killingsworth & Gilbert, 2010). Mindfulness practices, even just tuning into your breath or surroundings for a few moments, help anchor you to what’s real—right here, right now. 

7. Live with Purpose 

People who connect their daily life with a deeper sense of meaning report higher well-being—even when life is stressful (Steger et al., 2006). Your purpose doesn’t need to be world-saving. It can be as simple as raising kind kids, creating beauty, or making someone smile. 

How Counselling Can Help  

Okay, now let’s talk therapy. 

Happiness is not about bypassing your pain or pretending everything’s fine. It’s about having the tools to respond to life with clarity, courage, and compassion. 

At Love This Therapy, we help you move toward greater happiness not by handing you a “quick fix,” but by walking with you through the real stuff. Here’s how counselling can support your happiness journey: 

• Healing the Past 

Old wounds and unresolved experiences can block joy in the present. Therapy can help you process what’s holding you back and release beliefs that no longer serve you. 

• Challenging Negative Self-Talk 

So many of us carry a harsh inner critic. Therapy teaches you to recognize those patterns and replace them with a more balanced, self-compassionate voice. 

• Clarifying Values and Goals 

Sometimes, unhappiness stems from living a life that doesn’t match what matters to you. Counselling helps you reconnect with your values and make aligned decisions. 

• Building Emotional Resilience 

Therapy doesn’t aim to get rid of difficult emotions—it helps you understand and manage them. Together, we work on developing practical tools so you can move through life’s challenges with steadiness and self-awareness. 

• Creating Space for Joy 

Sometimes people come to therapy thinking they’re broken. But what they find is that they’re human—and that joy, silliness, creativity, and connection are all still available. Therapy helps make room for the full spectrum of your emotional life—including the beautiful parts. 

Final Thoughts: You Don’t Have to Chase Happiness 

One of the most surprising truths about happiness? You don’t have to chase it. In fact, constantly chasing happiness can make you less happy (Schooler et al., 2003). 

Instead, happiness often shows up when we stop trying to manufacture it and instead pay attention to the moment we’re in. When we listen deeply, move intentionally, and care kindly—for ourselves and others—joy tends to enter our lives.  

If you’re struggling to find your way back to happiness—or wondering if you ever truly felt it to begin with—know that you’re not alone. And you don’t have to figure it out alone either. 

We’re here. Let’s talk. 

You can reach us at 604-229-4887 or info@lovethistherapy.com  

References 

Blumenthal, J. A., Babyak, M. A., Moore, K. A., et al. (2007). Effects of exercise training on older patients with major depression. Archives of Internal Medicine, 159(19), 2349–2356. 

Diener, E., Lucas, R. E., & Scollon, C. N. (2009). Beyond the hedonic treadmill: Revising the adaptation theory of well-being. American Psychologist, 61(4), 305–314. 

Diener, E., Suh, E. M., Lucas, R. E., & Smith, H. L. (1999). Subjective well-being: Three decades of progress. Psychological Bulletin, 125(2), 276–302. 

Emmons, R. A., & McCullough, M. E. (2003). Counting blessings versus burdens: An experimental investigation of gratitude and subjective well-being in daily life. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 84(2), 377–389. 

Ford, B. Q., & Gross, J. J. (2019). Why beliefs about emotion matter: An emotion-regulation perspective. Current Directions in Psychological Science, 28(1), 74–81. 

Huta, V., & Ryan, R. M. (2010). Pursuing pleasure or virtue: The differential and overlapping well-being benefits of hedonic and eudaimonic motives. Journal of Happiness Studies, 11(6), 735–762. 

Kahneman, D. (1999). Objective happiness. In D. Kahneman, E. Diener, & N. Schwarz (Eds.), Well-being: The foundations of hedonic psychology (pp. 3–25). Russell Sage Foundation. 

Kashdan, T. B., & Steger, M. F. (2007). Curiosity and pathways to well-being and meaning in life: Traits, states, and everyday behaviors. Motivation and Emotion, 31(3), 159–173. 

Killingsworth, M. A., & Gilbert, D. T. (2010). A wandering mind is an unhappy mind. Science, 330(6006), 932. 

Layous, K., Nelson, S. K., & Lyubomirsky, S. (2012). What triggers prosocial effort? A field experiment examining the role of well-being in helping behavior. The Journal of Positive Psychology, 8(2), 101–107. 

Lyubomirsky, S. (2008). The How of Happiness: A New Approach to Getting the Life You Want. Penguin Press. 

Lyubomirsky, S., King, L., & Diener, E. (2005). The benefits of frequent positive affect: Does happiness lead to success? Psychological Bulletin, 131(6), 803–855. 

Ryan, R. M., & Deci, E. L. (2001). On happiness and human potentials: A review of research on hedonic and eudaimonic well-being. Annual Review of Psychology, 52, 141–166. 

Schooler, J. W., Ariely, D., & Loewenstein, G. (2003). The pursuit and assessment of happiness can be self-defeating. In J. Carrillo & I. Brocas (Eds.), The Psychology of Economic Decisions, Volume 1: Rationality and Well-Being (pp. 41–70). Oxford University Press. 

Steger, M. F., Kashdan, T. B., & Oishi, S. (2006). Being good by doing good: Daily eudaimonic activity and well-being. Journal of Research in Personality, 42(1), 22–42. 

Waldinger, R., & Schulz, M. S. (2023). The Good Life: Lessons from the World’s Longest Scientific Study of Happiness. Simon & Schuster.