Have you ever found yourself sitting in therapy—whether in the client’s chair or the therapist’s—and quietly wondering, Is this even helping?
If so, you’re not alone.
That question, as tender as it is brave, deserves space—not shame.
Therapy isn’t a straight line. It’s messy, dynamic, and deeply human. It shifts and stretches to meet the real emotions, needs, and experiences that show up in the room. And sometimes, the moments that feel the most uncomfortable? They’re actually signs that something real is happening.
For clients, questioning the process or asking for something different isn’t a failure. It’s an invitation into deeper, more meaningful work.
For therapists, missing the mark now and then isn’t a betrayal of the process. It’s part of what makes the relationship authentic—full of opportunities for humility, trust, and repair.
Because therapy was never about getting it perfect.
It’s about showing up. Being present. And being willing to work through the hard parts together.
This blog is for everyone who’s ever wrestled with doubt in the therapy room—clients and therapists alike. Let’s talk about what it means to stay in the process, even when it gets tough.
Part One: For the Client Wondering, “Is This… It?”
Let’s start with the obvious: therapy isn’t magic.
It’s not a one-time potion that leaves you feeling better right away. Sometimes it’s more like a long, meandering hike—you’re sweaty, annoyed, questioning why you’re even out here. And then, suddenly, you realize you’re somewhere you’ve never been before.
But that moment doesn’t always come right away.
Progress Doesn’t Always Feel Like Progress
Therapy is rarely linear. It doesn’t always come with those satisfying “ah-ha!” moments right away. Sometimes, progress shows up as subtle shifts: a pause before reacting, a slightly softer inner voice, or the courage to speak your truth. And sometimes? It gets messier before it gets clearer.
Just like cleaning out a closet that’s been collecting stuff for a long long time, you need to take everything out, throw away the junk, and put everything back better than how it was. Things need to get messier before they get better.
According to research by Hansen et al. (2002), about 5–10% of clients may feel worse before they feel better. This isn’t because therapy is damaging, but because healing often involves unearthing discomfort, confronting long-avoided patterns, and sitting with feelings we’ve tried hard not to feel.
Therapy is work—and you’re allowed to question the process.
Common Reasons It Might Feel Like It’s Not Helping
- It’s not what you expected.
You might’ve pictured therapy as a fast-track to advice, solutions, or soothing. But therapy is more about uncovering patterns, exploring emotions, and rebuilding from the inside out. That takes time—and it’s not always comfortable.
- You’re in a hard part of the process.
You might be exploring grief, trauma, or old wounds. This part can feel like being in the middle of a messy room you’re trying to clean. It doesn’t mean nothing’s happening—it means a lot is.
- You’re not quite clicking with your therapist.
A strong therapeutic relationship is one of the best predictors of positive outcomes (Horvath et al., 2011). If you’re feeling misunderstood or disconnected, it’s okay to talk about it—or even to explore other therapist matches.
- You haven’t said the scary thing yet.
Sometimes we test the waters in therapy before diving into what we really need to talk about. That’s okay. Therapy should move at your pace—but naming that hesitation can be the beginning of a breakthrough.
What You Can Do When It Feels Off
- Say it out loud.
If you feel like therapy isn’t helping, try bringing it into the session. You might say, “I’m not sure I’m getting what I hoped for here,” or “I’m struggling to see the progress.” A good therapist won’t take offense—they’ll lean in with curiosity.
- Check in with yourself.
Are your goals clear? Are they still relevant? Therapy is most effective when it’s collaborative. Revisit your intentions and consider discussing them again with your therapist.
- Remember that therapy isn’t the only form of healing.
Maybe you need something additional: art therapy, group therapy, embodiment practices, creative expression, or a medication consult. Therapy can be a hub—but it doesn’t have to be the whole map.
Now, a Word to Therapists: When a Client Says, “This Isn’t Helping”
Oof. It stings, doesn’t it?
Even the most seasoned therapists can feel that gut punch when a client says they’re not feeling helped. But here’s the truth: it’s not personal. It’s information. And if we can stay open to it, it’s also a huge gift.
Feedback Is a Bridge
According to Lambert & Shimokawa (2011), when therapists routinely ask for and integrate feedback, client outcomes improve significantly. That moment of “this isn’t helping” is an invitation—not a condemnation.
How to Receive It with Grace and Curiosity
- Regulate your response.
Your nervous system might want to protect you: defend your work, explain your approach, subtly redirect. Breathe. Make space.
- Validate the courage.
“Thank you for telling me. That’s a hard thing to say, and I really appreciate your honesty.” That’s the energy you want to meet them with.
- Be curious—not corrective.
Invite exploration: “Can you tell me more about that?” “What were you hoping therapy would be like?” “What feels like it’s missing?”
- Check in with the alliance.
Sometimes the issue isn’t the work—it’s the relationship. And repairing therapeutic ruptures can be one of the most healing parts of the journey (Safran & Muran, 2000).
- Stay humble. Stay collaborative.
Therapy isn’t a performance. We’re not here to “get it right”—we’re here to be with. Collaborate on next steps. Sometimes that means shifting tactics. Sometimes it means referring out. Both are ethical, brave, and client-centered choices.
Therapy Works—And It’s Okay to Question It
Therapy has decades of research behind it. From CBT to EFT, psychodynamic therapy to EMDR, there’s evidence that it helps people reduce symptoms, improve relationships, and build meaningful lives (Wampold, 2015). But even good medicine needs the right dosage, delivery, and relationship to work.
If you’re a client feeling unsure, please don’t give up. Speak up. Therapy is a space where your truth deserves to be heard—even when it’s, “This doesn’t feel helpful right now.”
And if you’re a therapist hearing those words, don’t shut down. It’s not a sign of failure. It’s a fork in the road that could lead somewhere deeper, truer, and more healing—for both of you.
Final Thoughts: If It Feels Hard, That Doesn’t Mean It’s Not Working
Whether you’re a client staring at the ceiling thinking, “This isn’t helping,” or a therapist feeling the sting of that statement—remember this: therapy is a living process. It’s allowed to be messy. It’s supposed to be responsive. And sometimes, the exact moment that feels like failure? That’s where something real begins.
You’re allowed to question the process. You’re allowed to ask for something different. You’re allowed to expect more.
And therapists? You’re allowed to be human. You’re allowed to not get it perfect. You’re allowed to course-correct and grow in real time with your clients.
Therapy might not always feel good. But it can be good, especially when it opens honest, brave, albeit hard conversations.
References
Hardy, G. E., Bishop-Edwards, L., Chambers, E., Connell, J., & Dent-Brown, K. (2019). Risk factors for negative experiences during psychotherapy. Psychotherapy Research, 29(1), 1–13.
Hansen, N. B., Lambert, M. J., & Forman, E. M. (2002). The psychotherapy dose-response effect and its implications for treatment delivery services. Clinical Psychology: Science and Practice, 9(3), 329–343.
Horvath, A. O., Del Re, A. C., Flückiger, C., & Symonds, D. (2011). Alliance in individual psychotherapy. Psychotherapy, 48(1), 9–16.
Lambert, M. J., & Shimokawa, K. (2011). Collecting client feedback. Psychotherapy, 48(1), 72–79.
Safran, J. D., & Muran, J. C. (2000). Negotiating the therapeutic alliance: A relational treatment guide. Guilford Press.
Wampold, B. E. (2015). How important are the common factors in psychotherapy? An update. World Psychiatry, 14(3), 270–277.
